My Lost Dreams are Birds

my lost dreams are birds

they soar high above this decrepit town 

above our consciousness, 

their actualization rings 

into the ears of all they pass

i could never catch them if i tried

so i watch them soar in the distance

sometimes they pay me a visit and we share gravity

i strain to capture their elaborate image

i pay gratitude to each glossy feather

my lost dreams are so delicate and perfect

i can feel their rapid heartbeats thumping thumping

uncertain if i am living the right path

they bounce merrily and munch 

on the bugs of memories

when i tasted them for a moment

the gutsy crunchy bitterness sits in my mouth

they are so real and precious,

they are a part of me

and i will never unhear their songs

songs that seep through my pores,

the longing i felt will never be forgotten

i feel it still, and always will

they move faster than i can comprehend

their micro interactions

manic intelligence i can only categorize as harmonious

they travel the world and make home in the lushest trees 

and i pay bills and become uninteresting to someone i love, 

someone who doesn't want me, now that they know 

the work i require

i am alone 

until new birds pass overhead

and i want to try on a new life

new possibilities

and i grieve the ones that never found their home in the lushness of my being

the ones that became uninteresting

the ones i didn't want, once i saw 

the work they required

i want to be every bird

enmesh myself with the flock

lose myself in the holy flight

follow, follow, go where i'm lead

surrendering to the oneness

but i feel alone

i am limited to this form

lethargic in the hot sun

singular and unsettled

singing songs to taste their ephemerality 

i dont know why my lost dreams sing

maybe it's to release the insistent tension

maybe it's in worship of all that we cant be

maybe it's out of adoration for our sacred limitations

my lost dreams are birds